Hop Against Homophobia and Transphobia

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In honor of May 17th being International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia, we’re stepping back from our usual reviews and such and sharing a personal story. Don’t forget to see below for giveaway information and links to other participants.

 

In April this year my brother, P, and his partner of 5 years, J, were married. They each have a child from a previous relationship, nothing unusual there, and that they are both men hardly raised an eyebrow. However, when my brother came out 10 years ago, in his mid 30’s, he was subjected to the kind of hate campaign that you read about but most of us never experience.

To give a bit of background, P’s prior marriage was brief, and to his girlfriend, J, from Uni. They’d had a child, and to this day remain very good friends. P’s best friend was her brother, KB, and they’d met at 15, so had been friends for more than half their lives.

P came out because he was tired of lying. Our family is liberal, multiracial, and accepting, so there were no problems there. J said she knew, but KB’s reaction was staggering. At first, he refused to talk to about it but then the emails and public vitriol via social media started.

KB contacted all of my brother’s friends, some he hadn’t seen for years, his employer, local pubs, and my niece’s school. He described him as a promiscuous predator who preferred young men. The majority of people treated this as nonsense, but some parents of my niece’s friends stopped their kids coming round, and he was asked to leave the PTA. P kept this to himself and internalized his hurt. He went from being happy and outgoing to withdrawn and moody. He was single, and in fact had been in only one homosexual relationship. He handed his notice in at work and was in the process of selling his house before we, his family, discovered what was happening.

J and I confronted KB. He was entirely unrepentant. He felt P had betrayed him and deserved to be hated, as he was an aberration. Nothing we said made any difference to this man who is a highly educated ‘professional’. There were a few others who’ve shared this opinion and have never changed their minds, but the majority of those KB had approached were simply ignorant and thought knowing P’s sexuality would somehow make him different. Approaching as J and I did, as P’s sister and ex-wife, made a difference. They saw that if his blood-family and the mother of his child could accept him, maybe he wasn’t different or unworthy. It helped them give P a chance to be the same man he’d always been.

KB’s campaign eventually dried up, but ignorance still had such a profound effect on P’s life. Keep in mind, this occurred when P was a grown man and had the backing of his family and friends. Then add how P essentially had to prove himself worthy of other’s acceptance, prove to be the same man as when he appeared heterosexual, and it’s equally infuriating and heart breaking. I cannot imagine the results of this kind of reaction were the target young and isolated. As a result of this experience, P and J are involved in a project that helps young people deal with issues arising from difficulties related to their sexuality.

While this part of P’s story has a mostly happy ending, aside from the loss and betrayal of his oldest friend, others may not share this. The importance of support and security cannot be overstated. Somebody coming out for the first time is sharing an intensely personal and vulnerable aspect of him/herself.

Prove worthy of their trust.
-Karen

 

Giveaway

Our giveaway will go to one person who comments on this post any time until May 24, 2014 11:59 pm (EST). The randomly chosen winner (using Random.org) will be given a choice of two prizes: either one copy of each A Strong and Sudden Thaw and Out of the Ashes, or a $20 donation in the winner’s name to TJ & Eric. If you are the winner, don’t forget to email us!

TJ & Eric

RW Day – Out of the Ashes

RW Day – A Strong and Sudden Thaw

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Others involved with this hop:

 

1.	Erica Pike (M/M)	2.	Cherie Noel (M/M)
3.	K-Lee Klein (M/M)	4.	N.J. Nielsen (M/M)
5.	Embry Carlysle (M/M)	6.	Kracken (M/M)
7.	Zathyn Priest (M/M)	8.	Caitlin Ricci (MULTI)
9.	Tyler Robbins (MULTI)	10.	Z. Allora (M/M, TR) – New! Post comes up this evening
11.	Gay List Book Reviews (MULTI, REV)	12.	DP Denman (M/M)
13.	Bronwyn Heeley (M/M)	14.	Moonbeams Over Atlanta (MULTI, REV)
15.	Jade Crystal (M/M)	16.	Rawiya Erotica (M/M)
17.	Smoocher’s Voice (REV, MULTI)	18.	Dianne Hartsock (M/M)
19.	L. J. LaBarthe (M/M)	20.	Anna Butler (M/M)
21.	Andrew Ashling (Gay)	22.	Sophia Martin (BI)
23.	Kendall McKenna (M/M)	24.	Rory Ni Coileain (M/M)
25.	M.A. Church (M/M)	26.	Lori Toland (M/M)
27.	Lex Chase (M/M)	28.	Caddy Rowland: Slice of Life (Gay, LGBT inclusive)
29.	Tempeste O’Riley (M/M)	30.	Louisa Bacio (M/M F/F Bi)
31.	Leigh Ellwood (MULTI)	32.	A P Massie (BI)
33.	Adrian J. Smith (F/F, Bi)	34.	Anastasia Vitsky (F/F)
35.	Boys in our Books (REV)	36.	Grace R. Duncan (M/M BI)
37.	Joelle Casteel (MULTI, REV)	38.	Charley Descoteaux (M/M, Bi)
39.	Vona Logan (M/M)	40.	S.A. McAuley (M/M Bi)
41.	Katey Hawthorne (Bi, M/M, F/F)	42.	Lily Sawyer (M/M)
43.	Draven St. James (M/M)	44.	Morticia Knight (M/M, M/M/F)
45.	Whitley Gray (M/M)	46.	The Novel Approach (M/M REV)
47.	Victoria Zagar/Infinite Love (MULTI, REV)	48.	Chris Cox (GAY)
49.	J.P. Bowie (M/M)	50.	Iyana Jenna (M/M)
51.	Evelise Archer (M/M)	52.	ND Wylders (MM)
53.	N.S. Beranek (Gay)	54.	Jane Wallace-Knight (M/M)
55.	Julie Lynn Hayes (M/M)	56.	Anne Barwell (M/M)
57.	Lou Sylvre (M/M)	58.	Wicked Wolves & Dreaming Dragons (M/M, REV)
59.	Bending the Bookshelf (TR)	60.	Get Freaky With Me La Drama Princess (F/F, M/M, BI, TR) – NSFW
61.	L M Somerton (M/M)	62.	Beth D. Carter (MMF, M/M)
63.	Joanna Darrell (Rev)	64.	B. Snow Procrastinates (M/M, F/F)
65.	Andrew J. Peters (Gay)	66.	Elin Gregory (M/M)
67.	S.J. Frost (M/M)	68.	DeeJay Arens (M/M)
69.	Prism Book Alliance (M/M, Rev)	70.	Meredith Daniels (M/M)
71.	Lynley Wayne (M/M)	72.	Guilty Indulgence (REV)
73.	JC Wallace (M/M)	74.	Sharing Links and Wisdom (REV)
75.	Taylor Law (M/M)	76.	Barbara Winkes (F/F)
77.	S.K Logsdon (Multi)	78.	For Once & Forever (MULTI)
79.	Dee Tass (F/F)	80.	KC Burn (M/M)
81.	Kim Fielding (M/M)	82.	C.C. Williams (M/M)
83.	J.R. Loveless (M/M)	84.	Tali Spencer (M/M)
85.	Kimber Vale (M/M)	86.	Erin McRae and Racheline Maltese (M/M, F/F, BI, TR)
87.	KT Grant (LGBT Romance)	88.	Alex Jones (M/M)
89.	Vanessa North (Multi)	90.	Viki Lyn (M/M)
91.	J.L. Gaynor (F/F)	92.	Harper Bliss (F/F)
93.	Carolyn Gray (M/M)	94.	Thorny Sterling (M/M)
95.	Megan Linden (M/M)	96.	Patricia Logan (M/M)
97.	Michael P Thomas (Gay)	98.	Jolynn Raymond (F/F)
99.	Nikka Michaels (M/M)	100.	Jayson James (Gay)
101.	RJ Scott (M/M)	102.	Tina Blenke (M/M)
103.	Rainbow Gold Reviews (REV, M/M, F/F, BI, TR)	104.	Heloise West (MM)
105.	VJ Summers Writes Smut! (Multi, M/M, M/M/F)	106.	Jessie Lansdel (M/M)
107.	Kayci Morgan (M/M)	108.	Rooster & Pig Publishing (PUB)
109.	Vicktor Alexander (MULTI)	110.	Dean Pace-Frech (M/M)
111.	Tara Lain (M/M)	112.	Alexis Duran (M/M)
113.	J. Osiris Baldwin (M/M, TR, F/F)	114.	Angel Martinez (M/M
115.	Westbrooke Jameson (M/M)	116.	ScuttlebuttReviews (M/M, REV)
117.	LYLBTB (M/M, REV)	118.	Eva Lefoy (M/M)
119.	Shiloh Saddler (Multi)	120.	Andrew Jericho (M/M, TR)
121.	Michael Mandrake (M/M)	122.	Lipstick Lesbian Reviews (REV)
123.	Amelia Bishop (M/M)	124.	Julie Bozza (M/M)
125.	R.A. Padmos (m/m)	126.	Love Bytes Reviews (REV)